Ticker to Goal

Monday, 30 January 2012

Doughnuts and the dietician review

I went back to work today. It felt great to be busy again. We are celebrating "My Money Week" where the curriculum is based around understanding money, finance, saving, earning and budgeting. We are working on a text called The Doughnut Ring by Alexander McCall Smith. It's about some children who try to raise money by selling doughnuts so on Friday, we are making doughnuts. You may think I am crazy to get that close to temptation but I will NOT be eating them because the children will be making them!

Children, especially 8 year olds, have very little awareness of hygiene. They'll wash their hands when they're told to and then pick their noses or rub their eyes or scratch themselves. Yuck. 

I had a phone call appointment with my dietician. I tell her all the things I eat and she says how I can do better, whether I need a fill or not etc. I started by saying that I was a lot happier and that I can feel the band working but I would like a little more in. I told her what I eat, how much, how often, what consistancies etc. I also told her about my Mum. It's only been 2 weeks since my last fill and so much of that has been an emotional roller coaster, I didn't know how that would affect my weight loss. Essentially, she is thrilled with my progress. :oD She says I can have up to 0.5 ml at my fill appointment on 14th but if I want to wait a while, that's ok too. I think I need to see how the next 2 weeks go but I'm nearly there.

Hope you're all good and not having doughnut cravings xx

Sunday, 29 January 2012

Wonderful weekend

I've had a wonderful weekend staying with my friend in Hunstanton. I forgot my camera (so that's not my picture) but we had a great time. To be fair, we spent most of it doing school stuff (as she works at my school during the week and lives by the sea at weekends) and with her feeding me lots. She knows about my band but it wasn't a deliberate here eat this, she just didn't know how much to give me. I ate slowly, chewed lots and didn't get stuck.

Jessica posted on Friday asking how you know when you're full. I don't know whether this put it in the back of my mind, or I wasn't watching TV/reading/on laptop or I was concentrating more on what I was doing so it was easier to spot, but I hiccough. One single hiccough says I've had enough thankyou. I feel I could possibly push another bite or maybe 2 but it's a clear, you're done signal. I'm really chuffed with it.

I also didn't drink enough water so now I have cramp. :o(  Bodies do not like change do they! I am on my third pint of water since I've been home to try and flush my kidneys out a bit.

Saturday, 28 January 2012

Stupid scales

I regularly comment to other people about how brilliant my new massive giant scales are. And when I say massive they are 15 inches x 12 inches x 3 inches!

But this morning they have really ****ed me off! Why? Because although I weigh myself every morning, I record my weight on a Saturday. So this week, when I haven't eaten much, tried to make good choices and I have lost every day, today, recording day, I am the same weight as last week! So so so annoyed!

Never mind, I am going to the sea side today. It is freezing cold and "wintery showers" are expected but I'm going to see a friend. :oD

Thursday, 26 January 2012

The day after the night before

I've not been to work, yesterday or today. I've been given the rest of the week to get myself together. So today, I went to have lunch with my Dad. We don't get on but I thought I should try and make an effort.

My father is lives in la la land.

He had a go at me today for being sad, saying I was being to negative about the whole thing. Apparantly what he got from my Mum's doctors appointment was that the nodules in her lungs are left over from her breast cancer 13 years ago but (here is where we disagree) they could be ANYTHING and she could take some tablets and it'll all be over in a few weeks.

He said that the doctor we saw (the chest/lung specialist) doesn't know which is why she's being transferred. We had a very specific discussion, with the lung specialist, about how it's not operable and any chemotherapy or hormone therapy treatment will be to delay it as much as possible.

I know he's in denial but he got really cross with me about it. It's so frustrating. So I left and went to the gym on my way home. I only went for a swim (20 x 25 m lengths) but it's better than nothing.

In other news, I took my PADI Enriched Air Nitrox course last night and the instructor kept telling everyone stories about the world record scuba diver and the disgusting things that happened to him. I will not repeat  them on here because they are seriously awful but all day on facebook people have been mentioning it and trying to wind me up. It's working but I don't want them to know so I'm moaning to you instead.

Wednesday, 25 January 2012

My beautiful Mummy

Yesterday we had some very bad news. The nodules in my Mum's lung are breast cancer which she had 'beaten' 13 years ago. She has to be transfered from the chest clinic (deals with lungs and all things pulmonary) to the breast clinic (deals with all things mammory) because that is how the British system works. Essentially because it's in her lung there is nothing they can do except try to keep it at bay for as long as possible. I am totally devastated and she is making jokes about it (as is her way). We are so close and my family is so tiny, I hate to think what it'll be like without her. I posted at the end of December how things had to turn around for me soon. Last year my Grandad passed away and my boyfriend left me. Now this ... How is a girl meant to cope?

Saturday, 21 January 2012

Last week's madness

Well this week has been insane.

Firstly, thank you so much for all your good wishes for my mum. She came out of hospital last Saturday and has been recovering really well from the op at home, once she realised she needed to take it easy and it would be gradual. She gets the results on Tuesday. Please continue to keep us all in your thoughts and prayers.

This hasn't been the greatest week at work either. I know I'm a good teacher, but like everyone from time to time, I have slips and don't do things as well as I could. I also understand that my boss might need to point this out but she doesn't need to shout at me in front of the office staff and some children. It's not like she doesn't know what I am going through at the moment but compassion is not really her strong point.

In other news, this fill is really having some positive impact. I've lost 2 lbs this week, and that is after going out last night to a pampered chef party. I'd never heard of it before but apparantly it's a big thing in the states and there were lots of yummy nibbles. We made wedges with salsa and sour cream cheese dip and little banoffee tartlets. Since I am allegic to bananas, I had special chocolate caramel tartlets (4 just for me) and oh my god they were yummy. I had dinner before I went because I didn't know about making the food and then picked for ages. It was sooooo delicious. On Friday morning it was 3 1/2 but I guess all that nibbling didn't help.

Fingers crossed for next week.

Saturday, 14 January 2012

Day out in London

I went to London today. My local clinic doesn't do many weekend or evening fills so I went to the clinic in Hammersmith. It's quite simple to get there as I drive to the tube on the edge of outer london and take the line all the way there. But this quite simple, straight forward plan had one very big flaw. The directions (given out by the clinic) were from the tube line were exit, go left past the car park, take the first right. Simple enough right? Wrong! They were an outright lie! I wandered around the block reading all the road names for 20 minutes. Finally, in the bus station, I found a map and worked out the way for myself. (New directions, exit, cross the road, walk down the road opposite, take the first right then the clinic is on the left) Funnily enough, when I arrived, I apologised for being late and the receptionist asked if I had come from the tube.

The nurse I saw said she was happy with my progress (all 4 lbs of it) and said she was happy to give me another "aggressive fill" and shoved 1 ml in without even asking me how much I was eating, whether I was following the rules etc. I don't know if this is because I was late for my appointment and she was in a hurry for lunch (but they hadn't had to wait for me because the receptionist was telling me how crazy it had been that morning) or if she's always like that but we'll have to wait and see how I can cope with solid foods in a few days.

In other news, thank you so so much for all your messages about my mum. She had "the procedure" done on Thursday and was in a LOT of pain. They had to leave the drain in for 24 hours to make sure all the fluid had gone and wasn't building up again. They found "several nodules" inside her lung and have taken samples. Her surgeon said they were rather worrying. (In my head, this is his way of saying it looks bad to him but he won't comment without official results). My ex (as he is one of my closest friends) has been told all of this but remains incommunicado! She came home today, feeling like "an overused punching bag" and she goes back for the results a week on Monday. Please keep us in your prayers.

Tuesday, 10 January 2012

What a day!

Today is my Grandad's first anniversary. I know he is in a much better place, happier with my Nanna, and no longer in pain or distress brought on by the Alzheimer's but we were really close and I miss him lots.

This morning, I had lost another pound on the scales. Very pleased. This is the start of a good day, I told myself and this was important because today my mum had a hospital appointment to get some test results. Long story short, she has one lung half full of fluid. The doctors ruled out pneumonia and pluracy and she had a CAT scan and a sample of fluid taken for testing.

We were hoping/expecting today to be told it was some sort of infection which has so far been resistant to the anti-biotics and be given stronger or strain specific ones to sort it. Sadly, it's not. She has to have an operation on Thursday to drain the fluid and inspect the the inside of her lung for growths, which would be biopsied then. The doctor she's seeing doesn't like to speculate but it sounds (to me) like they are preparing her for not good news. I'm seriously stressing. Having come to the conclusion not so long ago, that I can't take any more and good things are due to come my way, it feels like the opposite is happening.

In other news, I posted the in one of my random facts that I have just been given a friendship cake and Barbie asked what one was. It is basically some cake mixture that you are given and "feed" for 10 days with milk, sugar and flour. Then you split it into 5 portions. You give 4 away (or 3 and keep one to start again) and to the final portion you add eggs, fruit, cinnamon, baking powder etc and bake it. The idea is that like friendship if you feed it and share it it turns into something wonderful. I did one when I was little (6 or 7) and loved it. I remember handwriting out the instructions to give away with the mixture.

Monday, 9 January 2012

I got tagged!

I was tagged by Barbie and Rachel ...so I am doing both tags at once :)

The Rules:1. Post these rules.
2. You must post 11 random things yourself.
3. Answer the questions the tagger set for you in their post.
4. Create 11 new questions for the people you tag to answer.
5. Go to their blog and tell them that you've tagged them.
6. No stuff in the tagging section about ‘you are tagged if you are reading this.’ Blah blah blah, you legiti­mately have to tag 11 peeps!

1. My spelling sucks but other people’s poor spelling irritates me.
2. I am allergic to bananas and coriander (cilantro for you non English speaking folks :op ).
3. I was a vegetarian for 6 years.
4. I have very un-Christian dreams about the nasty things I would like to do/say to my boss.
5.  I am utterly rubbish at sticking up for myself.
6.  I have a bright pink bathroom.
7.  I am 30 and in love with Mickey Mouse.
8.  I am going to Mexico for my friend’s brother’s wedding in 2013.
9.  I love handbags. I bought 2 Dooney & Bourke bags when I was in the US in August. I get complemented on them ALL THE TIME but over here nobody knows the name.
10.  I am excited about the Olympics. I have tickets to see some of the rowing.
11.  I was given a friendship cake today. :oD

Barbie’s questions:
1. How often do you grocery shop? Once a week ish. I live by myself so sometimes I can go longer.
2. Do you shower in the morning or at night? Bath at night given the choice.
3. What is your favourite place to shop? House of Fraser or John Lewis
4. What is your favourite spice? Cinnamon
5. What is the best date you have ever had? I love day out dates. When Ed (the ex) and I first got together, we went to the seaside. It was drizzly but we walked along the beach, mooched about the little shops and had fish and chips sat on the harbour wall.
6. Who is your celebrity crush? Johnny Depp. Yum.
7. What is your favourite season? Summer.
8. What movie always makes you cry? Any romantic or sad ones or ones with any slightly sad or romantic bits.
9. Which side of the bed do you sleep on? The right (when I’m on my back in bed) or alternatively, smack bang in the middle, rolled up like a sausage in the duvet! :o)
10. What is your favourite candy? Cadbury’s chocolate.
11. What was your first job? Babysitter.

Rachel’s questions:
1. What is your favourite reality tv show? The biggest loser USA (we are only up to season 10 over here) and the biggest loser UK is just plain pants!
2. What three things would you want with you if stuck on a desert island? coffee, a good book and some sun cream
3. What is the best way to spend your birthday? Lazy chilled out breakfast, day out somewhere fun with someone who I enjoy spending time with, dinner with a few drinks and home to bed.
4. If you could win a lifetime supply of any one product, what would you want to win? Either electricity or gas, either would significantly reduce my monthly expenditure.
5. What is your favourite workout song? Don’t have one really. I don’t take my ipod to the gym because you can plug headphones into the machines and listen to TV show or music channels.
6. What is the most important thing you wish someone would have told you before your wedding? If you're not married, what are you most looking forward to about getting married? Standing in front of all my family and friends and promising to love someone for the rest of my life and have them do the same. (Aren’t I a soppy cow!)
7. What is your biggest regret, if you have one? Gaining weight back again probably. Not being able to lose weight without the band. I would rather not have had to pay all that money, but as for getting the band, that (I hope) will always continue to be one of the best decisions I ever made. :o)
8. What do you do to relax? Take a bath, curl up with a book, find some rubbish on TV, drink coffee.
9. How long does it take you to get to work in the morning? 30 minutes ish
10. If you could live anywhere for one year, where would you live? somewhere hot, by the sea,
11. How many people do you consider to be your best friend? 3

My Questions
  1.  What (if anything) are you allergic to?
  2. What colour is your bathroom?
  3. What is your favourite book?
  4. What are your favourite flowers?
  5. What attraction near to you, have you never seen?
  6. Which classic film have you never seen?
  7. How many photos do you have in your lounge/sitting room? Who/What are they of?
  8. Do you garden?
  9. Who is your favourite comedian?
  10. Handbags or shoes?
  11. What is your most expensive piece of clothing?
And who I am tagging?

  1. Andrea
  2. Catherine
  3. Justine
  4. Momee3021
  5. Lisa
  6. Manda
  7. Ronnie
  8. Robyn
  9. Ms. M
  10. Jen
  11. Maria

Friday, 6 January 2012

My first attempt at ... BYOC

Duuuuuuuuudes….BYOC (brought to the world by drazil) is back after a small holiday hiatus.

Yup, Bring Your Own Crazy returns! It is 5 little questions you can answer in your own blog to give your blogging brain a break and to get to know each other better.

Copy, paste and enjoy!

Let’s do a holiday/new year themed BYOC today!

1. How do you feel about NY resolutions? Do you make them? Do you forget about them quickly? Do they help you?

I do make resolutions, but not just at new year. I think the holiday season is a good time for taking stock, making a fresh start etc but it's not exclusive to it. Last year (2010-11) I decided I should try to stop smoking on Boxing Day (26th Dec) so I tried on Boxing Day (and have been stopped ever since).

2. Did you put up a Christmas tree? How many? Is it still up?

1 7 ft black pre lit tree. It's beautiful. I put the star on top but didn't get round to decorating it this year.

3. How many total Christmases did you choose to have to attend outside of your home?

Just the one at Mum and Dad's. 

4. What are you most looking forward to this year?

Losing weight, diving lots and getting a new job :o)  Oh and the second half of the final desperate housewives.

5. Repeat question: Summarize your week in real life and in blogland this week.

Real life has been manic. I haven't been to the gym, work has been crazy and I haven't made the best food choices but I have been feeling a hundred million percent more positive than this time last week where I was crying 7 or 8 times a day. I went to dive club last night for a talk on a long weekend diving in the south of France and had a great time.

Blog land, I have been slack. I am sorry. I will do better.

Wednesday, 4 January 2012

Back to school madness

I went back to work today. I didn't leave until 8.30 pm. Came home and worked until 12. Have spent the last 45 minutes reading todays blogs and am getting up at 6.30 for work. Not sure how I am going to fit a gym visit in. The children start back tomorrow. Have a feeling it's going to be an interesting week. Wish me luck. xx

Monday, 2 January 2012

Happy New Year

Happy New Year everyone and welcome to 2012. I am really excited about this year. It's going to be pretty amazing here in the UK with the Queen's diamond jubilee in June and the Olympics in July/August. I have 3 friends getting married and about 20 million (or at least it feels like it) having babies. But this year is going to be the year that I:
  • Lose at least 60 lbs (more would be great but aiming for 60) and keep it off for the whole year.
  • Keep regularly attending the gym
  • Find a new job in a different school
  • Blog regularly
  • Go to church regularly
  • Try to be more patient 
  • Be a better friend
  • Become happier
Yesterday, I went to church with my Mum and Godmother. While I was sat there I started thinking about something I heard someone say on TV about trusting God's plan and having more faith. I decided that this was something I needed to do. At times I am so sad I can barely think straight but I need to believe that something better is coming. I do not believe God's plan for me is to be this unhappy. With that in mind, I am starting to believe my Mum will be given a clean bill of health in the near future (she has fluid on her lung) and that in time my broken heart will mend.

Thank you for all of your good wishes before. They are so appreciated. 2012 is definately looking up.