Ticker to Goal

Monday, 27 May 2013

Nothingness

Hello blog land

This is just a real quickie to say thank you for all the messages of support. I'm not doing very well but trying to keep really really busy so that I can hold myself together. I've eaten a ton of crap, spent a fortune on my credit card, done some very odd things, been really lax with the house work (seriously its's bordering on being a health hazard) and cried myself to sleep every night. 

I'm still not really ready to accept it is over. I'm holding on to the theory that time and space can work miracles. I have friends who laugh when I say that. Maybe because I said something similar when Ed disappeared but the difference here is that I know the reason and it's a crappy one. Neither of us (yes I do mean neither of us) want this and I'm all for finding a solution but he can't see one right now. I know this is no solution though. 

I've been applying for jobs still but no real luck. My heart isn't in it. I do like the freedom from paperwork of being a supply teacher but it is a fat lot of use without someone to spend your evenings and weekends with. 

In other news, fish boy (sorry I'm on the blogger app and no idea how to put in links so you'll have to not know or go back and search) has been an amazing friend of late. He has been texting a lot to check how I am and taken me out drinking when it's been needed. There is nothing there anymore from my part at least. My poor little broken heart is still full of Andy. Not even lust. It's just good to have him care. 

Hope you are all well. I miss you xxxx

7 comments:

Run, Chelle, Run! said...

*hugs* I hope time helps, I know it's so tough. :(

Momee3021 said...

(((((((((hugs))))))))

FitBy40 said...

I love fish boy!
So sorry you're still so sad. Hoping things are looking up very soon.

~Miss Lorie~ said...

I am so sorry to hear. Broken hearts are the worst, ever! Keep your chin up and I will keep you in my prayers.

jennxaz said...

so sad and sorry....((HUGS))

o.c. bandster said...

Hugs from across the Atlantic .

Robyn's Nest said...

There is reason they call this a broken heart. Time doesn't really make miracles but it will lessen the pain. Sorry, Sweetie. Hugs.