Ticker to Goal

Monday, 11 March 2013

Motivation wanted ... will pay £££

I have been a bad blogger ... again.

I've been busy with work and Pampered Chef stuff and applying for jobs and Andy but nowhere near busy enough to not blog. I've been ill but not properly in bed, off work type ill. Just fed up and tired and in need of an early night.
It's all excuses and rubbish ones at that.

The real reason I haven't been here is shame. I am failing. I want to diet but I can't find any willpower. I'm not hungry. I have a really good level of restriction. I just want to eat crap. I know it is all in my head but I can't get over it. I don't psych myself up for the gym enough. It seems at the moment the "blustery wind"
(read icy Siberian gales) mean I just need to come home and curl up under a blanket.

I go to Mexico in 19 days!!!!!! 19!!!!! And I have lost 3 lbs of my 21 lbs target. Pathetic. Rubbish. I should hang my head in shame. I mean that has to be some of the best motivation ever, right?

But my boyfriend loves me and I feel comfortable in my own skin for the first time in years. Maybe for the first time ever. I will get there, eventually. Not in time for Mexico. Maybe not by the summer but I am still winning the war.


Cheri said...

Hmmm...I see it differently (no surprise, right?) You feel comfortable in your skin, your boyfriend loves you, you are not hungry, you have good level of restriction, you've lost 3 pounds...I don't see a lot of doom, gloom and failure here.

I see that you wanted to lose more, and that you are not going to the gym enough. It sounded before as if you didn't like the gym. I think maybe you need to try to find some way to move your body you enjoy more - maybe a new class or activity or sport that is fun - something with boyfriend, something you always wanted to try, something relaxing even? Just anything that gets you moving your body, doesn't have to feel punishing. As for the weight, maybe it is time for it to "hold" for a while, before the next period of losing - or maybe you are close to where your body needs to be?

Finally - Mexico!! When I was there the last couple of times, I found people to be really comfortable in their bodies - at all sizes. I was much happier in my skin in Mexico, than I was in the U.S., despite wearing a lot less clothing. :-) I hope you find the same. :-) I found the people to be very accepting of curves.

I hope it doesn't sound like I'm not supporting you reaching your WL goal either - I'm behind you all the way whatever that goal is. I just think shame is counterproductive. :-) Shame makes me eat, lol. :-) So I try to be more generous with myself these days, it seems to work better.

Run, Chelle, Run! said...

I adore Cheri, so it comes as no surprise that I basically want to say "WHAT SHE SAID!"

FitBy40 said...

Yup, I agree...what she said!
I was going to say, well you didn't GAIN 3 pounds, right?!
Hang in there. You recognize what's going on, and you have a handle on it.

Chris - Banded Strong said...

First off, totally not a failure here. Like Cheri said, you feel comfortable in your skin for the first time in years. That is a major accomplishment. You are happy with you! Good for you. So maybe you need to maintain for a while and then get back at it when you are ready! Don't beat yourself up! Try to find exercise you enjoy so you don't feel that you "have to" go to the gym.
Mexico sounds great! You will have a great time!

Laura Belle said...

I say don't force yourself. If you're not feeling it, you're just going to hate it. I struggle with that shit all the time. I love the walking that I've been doing, but I still struggle to actually force my ass to get up and go to the gym.

And lets talk about crap food for a minute.....that's all I eat. All day. I blame the baby.

BUT! I just looked at the scale this morning and i'm gaining too fast, SO, I'm going to cut back!

And if preggo fatty-ass here can do it, you can too!!

Hollee said...

Stop beating yourself up! You're doing fantastic!